Mission: Hot Pink Explosives
by RaeVenn-Chan
Summary: Sidestory to Voices. Sam get’s his first mission, though Jazz has a little dare, er, ‘Secondary mission’ for him. Chapter three: Three words: Mood ring energon. Sam/Bee
1. Mission: Screamer

**Title: Hot Pink Explosives.**

**Words: Um…**

**Pairings: Not really any…**

**Summary: Side story to 'Voices'. Sam get's his first mission, though Jazz has a little dare, er, 'Secondary mission' for him.**

**A/N's: You might need to read 'Voices' for some of this to make sense… I'm not quite sure.**

--

Sam peered nervously around the corner, looking for any signs of life. He, a previously eighteen-year-old human boy turned Cybertronian holder of the mightiest artifact A.K.A. the All Spark, was in the 'secret' Decepticon base. And not for the reasons expected. You know, the Decepticons had captured him and were planning various forms of torture to harness the All Spark energy- Sam shuddered slightly, stopping that thought before it could get too far, before slowly slinking into the next hallway after being sure there was no Decepticons.

_He_, out of all people, had been the one selected for the special ops mission of sneaking into the 'secret' base and setting explosives. Though, that was only one of his missions. The 'Official' mission.

Sam jumped, immediately ducking into a storage closet as he heard footsteps echoing down the hall. He cursed loudly in his head, praying to God, Primus, and whatever other Deity might like him that whoever was walking down the hallway didn't need something from in here. Jazz had somehow managed to get blueprints to the base, and Sam had spent almost every second of his spare time before the mission had started looking over the map, which is why he knew that this room was too tiny for him to hide were someone to come in, and that there was no other way out. He blew a (quiet) sigh of relief when the footsteps passed by the door, gradually fading off. He waited about twenty seconds -_"Remember to wait a few seconds before wiggling out your hidey hole, kid." Jazz advised, minutes before he headed to the Decepticon base. "Or they might still be in hearing distance. But don't wait too long, or they're liable to come back."_- before he tentatively walked out of the small room.

Sam remembered his surprise when he was picked for this mission.

--

_Flashback._

_--_

_Sam knocked on the door, a deep "Come in." immediately replying._

"_Uh, you wanted to see me?" He said as soon as he was in the office._

_Optimus smiled kindly at him, sensing his tension. Well, he couldn't help it. Even though he was well over twice his original height, he was still only about half the height of the larger mech._ **(A/N He's about 15 feet tall.)**_ He was now very close to Bee's height. Now that he though about it, his build was also eerily similar to the yellow scout… He tried to hide his blush and concentrate on what Optimus was saying instead of thinking about what Sparkplug said when he had mentioned the eerie similarity._

_--_

_Flashback _in_ a flashback._

_--_

"_Hey, Sparkplug?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Why do I look so much like Bumblebee?"_

"_Well, I had to model you after something, and he was the closest and was around the most often. Besides, it makes you more… hehe, compatible."_

_He had said that last part with such a lecherous grin that it had made Sam's usually pale face turn a dark red._

_--_

_End flashback _in_ a flashback._

_--_

"_I have a mission for you."_

_Well, _that_ certainly brought him back to reality. "Excuse me sir?"_

"_A mission. I need you to sneak into the Decepticon base and set explosives. It will be a big enough blow that it should prevent them from attacking us for a while."_

_He felt his eyes, er, _optics_ widen and he could of sworn he saw Optimus fighting a smile at the utterly bewildered expression that was no doubt on his face. "…Uh… shouldn't Jazz be doing this? Or Bumblebee? I've heard they've had a lot of experience in that area."_

"_No can do. Ratchet has threatened any and all officers with bodily harm if we dare put him back on the duty roster, and threatened Jazz himself with physical _and_ mental harm if he was, as Ratchet put it, 'Fraggin' stupid enough to go along with it'. He says it's too dangerous to put him back on active duty so soon after he was brought back to life."_

It's been _three_ months._ Sam thought before saying, "What about 'Bee?" He immediately snapped his mouth shut. It's not that he wanted to send his best friends into danger, but this was an important mission, and he_ knew_ if he went he'd screw it up._

"_He's previously engaged."_

"_But I have no experience in this type of thing, I'll screw it up."_

"_Au contraire." -_Damn you French films._ Sam thought sourly - "I believe you'd be perfect for the job. Primus Sam, you even managed to sneak up on Red Alert which, trust me, is _not_ an easy thing to do."_

_He nearly groaned. He remembered that. Sparkplug had gotten bored and had somehow convinced Sam it would be fun to see if they could sneak up on the overly-paranoid Security Director. It had actually been sorta funny to see him fritz. Though, the thorough verbal thrashing they had gotten from Ratchet afterwards was not. Sam sighed. "What do I have to do?"_

"_Place explosives on these generators." Prime started explaining, pointing to three boldly marked X's on a map. "It'll take out their scanners, shields, and detainment cells, just in case."_

_The meeting had gone like that for over an hour, Optimus telling him everything he needed to know about the mission._

_He barely refrained from sighing in relief when he (finally) got out of the oppressive (In his opinion) office. Thank you God._

"_Hey Sam."_

_Damn._

"_Yeah Jazz?"_

_Said mech smirked at him. "I have a little dare, er, 'secondary mission', for you while you're in the base…"_

_--_

_End flashback._

_--_

And like a damned fool he had taken the 'secondary mission'. Which meant that he had to run to _that_ room after setting the explosives then running like the Devil himself were chasing him before they exploded and knocked out the counter-scanner/shield/whatever the hell Prowl called it, that prevented the Decepticons scans from picking him up. After he took out the generator for the base's scans, it wouldn't have really mattered if the counter-scanner/shield/whatever the hell Prowl called it died, except each Decepticon had his own personal scanner that wasn't nearly as strong as the base's scanner but was still quite capable of finding him.

_Damn, damn, and double damn._ Sam cursed in his head. _Where the hell is _that_ room?!_

_**Third door on the right genius.**_ Sparkplug said sarcastically, in a tone Sam had come to realize Sparkplug only used when he was very, _very_ tired.

_Go to sleep now, Dipstick. You don't want to miss all the action later._

Sparkplug muttered something he didn't catch before his mind was quiet, Sparkplug's 'Holoform' undoubtedly slipped into recharge. He went into the door Sparkplug had suggested, smiling and vaguely surprised that it was actually the right room. He got a brief vibe from Sparkplug, no actual words, that basically translated into 'Of _course_ I'm right.'

Sam's optics flickered in a way that was as close to an eye-roll as he could get. He placed the smallish box down on the nearby table, immediately jumping up, latching onto the curiously opened air vent that he knew would lead him out of the base.

_:Mission complete. Heading out now.:_

_:Cool. You get our little 'secondary mission' done?:_ Jazz asked.

_:Yes.:_

_:Oh, boy, he's going to be _pissed_ once he sees what you left for him, Sammy.:_ Bumblebee, whose schedule had mysteriously cleared_ after_ he had already gotten into the base, chuckled. _:Ah, pit. Recent change to the map.:_ 'Bee added, his voice suddenly serious. _:Apparently somebody got bored and ended up exploding a few rooms. Your original route is now totally blocked.:_

_Damn, damn, and double damn._ Sam thought, trying to stop ice-cold panic that went through him. He only had enough time to learn the way to the generators and _that_ room. _:What do I do? I don't know any other ways out.:_

_:Which is why we're here for you.: _Jazz said encouragingly.

_:We'd never abandon you, Sam. Aha! You see, I've already found you another way out. Just give me a second… there, just sent it to you.:_ Bumblebee said.

Five minutes later, Sam was outside sitting beside his two best (Cybertronian) friends, watching as parts of the base exploded.

"You remember to do it?" Jazz asked.

"Leaving the box, or hacking into the cameras?"

"Both."

"Yep."

"This is gonna be sweet."

--

The pathetically few Earth-Bound Autobots sat around the conference table, watching the recordings of several video cameras Jazz had managed to hack into at the Decepticon base. They were reviewing his mission, seeing if he had a future in this with Jazz and Bumblebee, or if he was going to go into one of the various other possible positions. (Though the fact that he wasn't even seen probably gained quite a few points in his favor.)

The recordings blacked out, the cameras having been destroyed in the explosion that took out the generators and parts of the base.

"Okay, well-" Optimus started. The sudden flicker of the screen turning back on interrupted him. Everyone watched in interest as Starscream stomped across his room, muttering something too low for the camera to catch.

"Primus-Forsaken slaggers- what the frag is that?" He stopped, glaring at the seemingly innocent box sitting on the table.

Sam, Jazz, and Bumblebee smirked when Starscream picked up the box, reading the words off the top.

"To: Starscream. From: The Auto-" He immediately dropped the offending box, backing away.

_Bad move_. The three (Four if you count the recently woken Sparkplug. No way in hell was he missing this!) coconspirators thought. The box's lid flung off, dust filling the room.

"What-" Hack. "-The-" Hack. Hack. Cough. "FRAG?!" Cough. Cough. Choke. Hack.

The dust settled, leaving a- WHAT THE HELL?!

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker fell out their chairs, laughing uproariously at the sight of the Hot Pink seeker.

"Soundwave! Get in here!"

The aforementioned mech immediately appeared, not seeming to notice, or care, about his leader's new paint job. "Yes?"

"Paint. Now."

"Negative."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'NEGATIVE'?!"

"Scanners indicate that this paint will eat at any paint you put over it."

Growl. "Fine, I'll go to the wash rack-"

"Negative. Non-washable paint."

"Then how do _you_ suggest I get this FRAGGIN' STUFF OFF ME!"

"Wait until it wears off."

Twitch. Twitch. "And how long will _that_ take?"

"Approximately one to two Earth months."

The seeker's jaw dropped, the leader stunned speechless.

"I take it now would not be a good time to tell you that they put the same substance in the explosives on the generator, turning half the base pink?"

"Who-." Shuddering breath as he tried to reign in his temper. "Who _else _was turned pink?"

"No one, Lord Starscream."

The sarcastic bot lived up to his name, the shrill scream so loud some even claimed they could hear it all the way over at the Autobot base.

--

**End. Yes, ending did seem kinda cut off, but I've had too much coffee, too little sleep, and I'm sick. So, G'Night. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…**

**By the way, I was thinking about a second chapter for this. Yes or no?**


	2. Mission: Ark

_**Okay, this is based five years after the first chapter. Same month, same day, different year.**_

_**Oh, and before I forget, I'm looking for a beta. (Someone who has beta'd before, or someone who knows how the whole process works 'cause I've never been a beta nor had a beta so I'm clueless ;) Details of what I'm looking for in a beta are on my profile.**_

_**Warning: This chapter has a little bit more of the pairings from 'Voices' (All slash, save for the tiniest mentioning of MikaelaXMiles.)All slash haters run. By the way, since it's five years in the future, I'm going to have it where Sam and Bee have bonded. But don't assume in any other side-stories that they are bonded unless I specifically say so.**_

**_Edit: Sorry, didn't notice that everything was underlined. ; Stupid FanFiction keeps underlining everything and I keep forgetting to check._**

_Thoughts_

_**Sparkplug talking in Sam's head.**_

"Talking."

_:Com. Link.:_

**--**

Sam yawned, rolled over, and nearly fell of the berth. Only a certain yellow scout's arm around his waist kept his face from becoming personally acquainted with the floor… Again.

"I love you dearly and all that 'Bee." Sam stated dryly. "But we're either getting a bigger damned bed, or I'm sleeping somewhere else."

Bumblebee chuckled. "We call them 'berths' or 'charging pads', Sam." He chirped, his voice far too cheerful.

"First of all, don't patronize me, you bastard. Second of all, how the hell are you so fraggin' cheerful this early in the morning? Third of all, I don't give a fraggin' damn what the frag you call them, we need a bigger one!"

Bumblebee blinked and, damn him, he seemed amused. "In order, I wouldn't dare patronize you Sammy, I think it's in my programming to always be cheerful, and you've got a point. It's gotten quite annoying to make sure your aft doesn't fall off the berth every morning."

Sam frowned and flipped over the larger mech, using his legs to push his bondmate off the bed. Bumblebee landed on the floor with a satisfying 'thud'.

"Ow…"

"Get a damned bigger berth." Sam said simply before standing up and walking out the door. Before he could get all the way out, Bumblebee leaped up, grabbed his arm, and pulled him back into the room.

"Are you nuts?! Don't you remember what day it is?"

"Wha-" Sam started. He groaned as realization hit him. "Damn it."

"Exactly."

"Don't we get any leniency for being the ones who did it first?"

Bumblebee snorted. "Only if we agree to join their group." The statement came out more of a question, 'Bee's big blue optics staring down at him.

Sam sighed dramatically. "Oh fine. We can do it this year." He said, clearly ignoring his bondmate's triumphant smile. 'Bee had been asking to join the little pranking group for the past five years and he had said no each time. And since he didn't join, 'Bee didn't join. He suddenly leaned over, lightly kissing the bigger mech.

Bumblebee blinked then grinned before tugging on his arm. "Come on, we have to go meet them before they start or we'll be one of their victims."

--

Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, and Jazz looked up, startled, when the door to their 'secret' hide-out (A rarely used storage room) opened.

Jazz relaxed and grinned at the newcomers. "I was wondering if you two were going to join this year."

"Of course we were. It's not like we could've joined the last few years, and it's about time we got to prank again."

This remark roused more than one confused look. "What do you mean?"

Sam would have rolled his eyes -_optics,_ he reminded himself- were he able to. "If we had joined the last few years than we would have been one of the suspects that were immediately rounded up. This way we get to prank and we aren't as likely to die when Ratchet starts chasing all the trouble-makers."

Jazz's grinned broadened. "It seems our little Sammy has finally learned the first rule of the pranking community. When in doubt, blame your buddy."

Sideswipe pretended to wipe away a tear and he sniffed dramatically. "I'm so proud."

Sam's lips went thin in suppressed amusement at his friend's antics. "So how we doing it this year?"

Dramatics suddenly gone as if they were never there, the five huddled around a hand-drawn plan, all business. It was almost as if they were planning to break into a Decepticon base and, if you thought about the reactions of the Ark members last year, it was just as deadly.

As Sam listened to the plan, he came to a realization. They all were going to die. _**Might as well die having fun.**_Sparkplug thought dryly.

--

It was two minutes into the plan and he already regretted joining. Their plan included him climbing through the air vents to get to his location. _**Bastards.**_Sparkplug thought bitterly, but both knew in the end it all be worth it. As he went down the seemingly endless tunnel, his mind drifted back to conversation about the plan for cameras.

--

_Sam looked at the five tiny cameras Sideswipe was holding in his hand. "What the frag are these for?"_

"_Our sixth member. He'll help us in more… subtle ways as long as we make sure to get records of the prank."_

_He rose an optic ridge. "Who is this elusive sixth member?"_

_Sideswiped smirked and leaned forward, whispering the name of someone he would never had suspected. "Are you serious? I can't imagine him having a secret love of pranks."_

"_Let's just say after years of dealing with us, he's learned to appreciate the subtle art of the prank."_

"_Right… just one question. When have you, subtle, and prank ever gone together? Yeah, you and prank go together just fine, but where does this subtlety you allegedly possess come into play?"_

_Sideswipe opened his mouth to protest, closed it, opened it again, closed it once more, then finally said. "Shut up. We just need to plant the fraggin' cameras or he'll stop helping us in the future. And believe me, it makes thing a whole lot easier, and fun, if he's on our side."_

"_O…kay…"_

"_Just trust me. Oh, and whatever you do, do _NOT_ tell anyone who he is. That'll ruin present and future pranks."_

_Sam, waved his hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah, I get it. So, how are we supposed to do this?"_

"_Simple, we each plant a camera and a bomb. And yes, the sixth member will plant one too."_

"_Right, now why do we keep referring to him as 'sixth member' instead of by name?"_

"_Red Alert has cameras everywhere, we don't want to risk it."_

"_Alright. Now, where am I supposed to plant my camera and bomb?"_

_Sideswipe pointed to six black bold X's, the whole thing reminding him a bit too much of the situation that inspired the pranking spree._

"_This one is yours."_

_Sam's optics widened when he realized where exactly that was. "Oh no no no no! You have to be kidding me! Do you _want_ me to die?"_

"_Sam, you're the smallest. It'll be the easiest for you to sneak into Ratchet's lair."_

"_Why not send Bumblebee? Ratchet actually likes him."_

"'_Cause 'Bee is sneaking into Red Alert's lair. You wanna go there?"_

"_Death by crazy SD is better than death by evil CMO of doom!"_

"_Too bad. You're going."_

"…_I hate you…"_

_Sideswipe smirked. "I know."_

_--_

_Oh slag, oh slag, oh slag, oh slag._ Sam repeated in his head. This was it. _He_ was in _Ratchet's_ med-bay. No one went into Ratchet's med-bay without his permission unless they were bleeding from their main energon lines.

_**Hey, don't worry. You're with an All-Spark.**_Sparkplug said cheerily. _**I'm sure I can buy you at least two whole seconds to get away.**_

That's_ reassuring._ Sam replied sarcastically. _And why the frag don't you have your holoform out? You could be helping me, you know._

_**I just had it out for five whole days! I need a break.**_

Sam froze as he heard something. _Oh damn, please don't let that be Ratchet._

_**It's not. Come on, have some faith in me. Don't you think I'd tell you if I sensed Ratchet coming?**_

_No. You'd think it was funny that I got caught._

_**True…**_

Sam decidedly ignored the _annoying_ entity inside his mind, solely focusing on planting the camera, setting the bomb, and getting the frag out of here. He dragged a stool to the corner of the room to help him actually reach the spot he needed. Even with the help of the stool, he could barely reach.

_Camera, check._ He thought, jumping back to the floor. He dragged the stool across the room, making sure it was _exactly_ where he found it. Next came the hard(er) part. Messing with Ratchet's wrench. He glared at the offending object, looking at it as if would magically jump up and hit his head.

_**Maybe the evil medic of doom is actually the evil witch doctor of doom! Maybe he cursed it to smack people when he's not in the room! Or-**_

_You're not helping._

_**But-**_

_Shut. Up._

He carefully picked up the tool, taping the paint bomb on the bottom before just as carefully putting it back down.

_**OH SHIT! RATCHET'S COMING! RUN FOR IT!**_

_DAMN IT!_

Sam bolted, grabbing the stool to help him reach the air vent, not caring that Ratchet would probably notice. The metal grate closed over the opening with a faint _snick.__Did he see us?_

_**I don't think so…**_

He watched with bated breath as Ratchet walked into the room, knowing Sparkplug was watching through his optics. Just as he thought that they -_Whether you like it or not, you're involved too, Sparky, Which means you'll also get in trouble. __**Damn it!**_- were in the clear, Ratchet froze, glaring at the stool.

"What the frag…" He started reaching for wrench, ready to throw it at whoever had dared to enter _his_ med-bay. But as soon as he picked it up…

Sam snickered at Ratchet's outraged cry as the medic suddenly found himself (and the med-bay and everything in it) a nice bright pink. And yellow. And green. And orange, red, blue, purple, and just about every other color you can think of. It seems the twins had saved the awesomest -Which was totally a word despite Prowl's insistence that it wasn't- paint bomb for the medic.

Before he could stop it, another chuckle escaped, alerting the medic. Ratchet glared at the grate. "Primus have fraggin' mercy on your fraggin' spark, whoever the frag is up there, because when I get my fraggin' hands on you, you'll just be a pile of fraggin' scrap!"

_**Seems we caught him in a good mood.**_

_A _very_ good mood. Only five 'Frag's'. New record. It's usually at least fifteen._ Luckily, Sam already had his escape route planned, slipping down into a hallway right in front of the med-bay. Less than a second later, Ratchet came barreling through the door, smashing right into him. "Ow…"

"Frag it kid, get out of my way." Ratchet immediately stood up, peering around. "Have you seen anyone else around here?"

"Nope, no on- Jeez Ratch! What the hell happened to you!" Sam exclaimed, exuding innocence.

Ratchet cast a quick glare at him before continuing looking around. "Some stupid aft fragger thought it would be funny to put a paint bomb in my med-bay. You have any idea who did that, Sam?" Ratchet asked, his voice taking a decidedly menacing tone to it.

"Me? Why, I'm as innocent as the day I was born. Or sparked, whatever you guys call it."

"We call it sparked, but for you it could be either way. Your first life, you were born the human way. Your second life was closer to our way, but not exactly. And it's not you that I'm worried about. It's those fraggin' twins that are so troublesome. And since you, 'Bee, and Sparkplug are always with them, I figured they might have told you something."

"They never tell us anything about their pranks." Which was true. The twins never _did_ tell them anything about their pranks… unless they decided to join in on the prank, but that was beside the point.

A suspicious glare his way, but that was the extent of the medic's ire toward him. The irritable mech ran off without another word, undoubtedly to tell Prime the twins were on another pranking spree. Which made him wonder, why was Ratchet so surprised? They _had_ been doing this every year for the past five years… He decided not to scrutinize it too deeply. He opened up a private link the twins created, a six-way going to all the members. :_Ratchet is done. I'll retrieve the camera before anyone finds it. How are things going on you end?:_

_:All good, Sammy.: _Sideswipe replied._ :They should explode in 3...2...1...:_

Immediately, two screams of outrage. _:Awesomeness.: _Sam said.

_:According to Prowler, that's not a word.:_

_:It's not, but fake words are more fun.:_

_:I agree with you there.: _Bumblebee said.

_:Surprise, surprise. The lovebirds agreeing on something.:_

Although Sunstreaker would have sounded harsh to someone who had just met him, those who know him knew he was just teasing. Sam decided now was a good time to change the subject. _:Jazz, 'Bee, sixth guy I'm not allowed to name 'cause Sides is too paranoid. When are yours going to blow up?:_

_:Once we plant them:_ Mysterious number six said dryly. **(A/N Don't worry, you'll eventually find out who he is. ;P)**

_:You haven't planted them yet?:_ Sunstreaker asked, incredulous.

_:Don't give me that crap. You slaggin' twins had it easy. 'Jack and Blue, for Primus sake! Frag, considering who Sam had, I'm surprised he's done so early.:_ Jazz said.

_:He has a point. I mean, 'Bee has the most paranoid person I've ever met, Jazz has the most trigger happy-est person I've ever met, and the other guy has the _biggest_ person I've ever met. Not exactly easy.:_ Sam said.

Jazz laughed at the descriptions. _:Exactly.. Alrighty, all set. 3...2...1...:_

Another outraged cry that set off a wave of laughing from all six members.

_:Awesomeness.:_

_:Still not a word.:_

_:Don't give a damn.:_

_:321GO!: _Bumblebee said in a rush. Another shriek, another laugh.

_:Only one more to go…:_

--

The still normal colored Optimus Prime looked at the group of multi-colored Autobots, each demanding for him to fix this_ now._ He rubbed at his 'temples', a trait he had picked up from the humans. Undoubtedly the twins and Jazz, as it was every year, but considering the time between the explosions, they probably had finally corrupted the two youngest members of their team. The paint they were using was more than likely the same paint they had used on Starscream years ago. Can't wash it off and can't paint over it.

"Wheeljack. Do you have any more of the solvent to dissolve that paint?"

"No. And it'll take me at least a week for it to be done if I start this very second."

Ratchet pushed his long-time friend in the direction of his lab. "Then get started. I do _NOT_ want to stay these-these _fraggin' colors_ any longer than I have too."

The usually polite inventor glared at him before making his way to his lab.

Optimus sighed. "I'll go round up the twins…"

Prowl put a gentle hand on his leader's back. "I'll help you." He hid his smirk as the discreet bomb stuck. "But I'll go that way." He said and immediately walked down the opposite hallway. He let his smirk show at the undignified roar of Optimus Prime as the paint bomb exploded. Hopefully he was still close enough to have hit the others.

_:All done.:_

_:Cool. Meet us back at our base.:_ Sideswipe said.

_:Which, as it turns out, is only a crappy, rarely-used storage room…:_ Sam muttered.

_:Shut up!:_

--

Prowl walked into the 'crappy, rarely-used storage room' and looked at his teammates. "I must admit, this was an… interesting day. Though, considering how fragged off everyone was, I suggest all of you go on a 'road trip' for a few days. I don't care what you do, but you can't be on the Ark for the next week or so or you'll all end up dying."

Sparkplug materialized right beside Sam. "I agree with him. I'm young, by All-Spark standards, and I'm not ready to die."

Sunstreaker looked at him. "You're the bloody fraggin' All-Spark. Why are you afraid of Hatchet?"

Sparkplug sent a wry look his way. "Have you _met_ Ratchet? Primus himself would be terrified of him."

The twins looked at each other, feeling a new level of fear about Ratchet. Sure, they were terrified of him, but he was scary and threw stuff at them. But having an _All-Spark_ afraid of him… "Frag it."

"Exactly. Now, let's go."

"Too late." Red Alert said from the doorway, everyone save for Wheeljack and Ratchet (Thank you Primus) behind him.

--

Sam and Bumblebee struggled desperately in Ironhide's grip. He grumbled and shifted. "Stop moving, frag it."

"Stop moving? Stop moving?! I will not stop moving! You're about to tell Ratchet that I was the one that painted him! I've only lived for twenty-three years! That's young by human standards! I'm not ready to die!"

"Yeah, and I'm only a thousand and twenty-three years old! Young by our standards! I'm not ready to die either!"

Ironhide paused, looking thoughtful. "You know Prime, maybe they got a point. I mean, sure I wouldn't hesitate handing over those two to Ratchet," He said, gesturing to the twins. "But these are our last younglings. Do we really want them to die so early?"

"Hmm… Alright, you two can go the brig without seeing Ratchet. I believe that I'd miss you if you died too soon."

The two sighed in relief and immediately stopped struggling as Ironhide carried them to the brig, afraid that he might change his mind and drag them back to Ratchet.

--

Sideswipe grinned as he was pushed into the overly-large cell where all his 'prankster buddies' were. "Well, congratulations Sam, Prowl for finally being sent to the brig. This is you're first time here, isn't it?"

The two nodded.

"Ahh, well, don't fret. I have a way to get us out of here." Sideswipe suddenly bent down on his knees. Sunstreaker jumped onto his back, pushing a tile on the ceiling up.

"Come on, let's go." The yellow twin said, pulling himself through the hole.

Although Sunstreaker was easily able to get through the hole with help only from his brother, the three shortest mechs in the entire Ark needed a little bit more help. (A.K.A. Prowl sitting on Sideswipe to help them up.) After that, it was fairly easy for them to escape.

"Great, more air vents…" Sam sighed. He stopped as he heard voices. He looked down, through the metal grating, and saw their victims, now perfectly normal. _What the hell happened to their paint?_

"Turns out I did have a bit of extra solvent." Wheeljack said cheerily.

_That explains it. :Sideswipe.:_ He said to the mech right behind him, via com. link, not wanting to risk being overheard. _:Do you happen to have any more paint bombs?:_

_:Nope, just a paint grenade.:_

_:Why do you ha- Never mind. I need it.:_

_:Why?:_

_:Because it turns out Wheeljack had extra solvent. Their all normal colored again.:_

_:Well that won't do. Here.:_ Sideswipe arm appeared beside him, grenade in hand. Sam smirked and dropped it in the middle of their unsuspecting victims.

"What the fr-"

_BOOM!_

_:Run guys, run!:_

They immediately sped up and was out of the Ark in less than a minute.

"So… how about that road trip?"

--

**Okay, not exactly how I wanted to ended it (At first I planned it so Prowl wasn't caught) It's not as good as the first chapter, but… meh. I might add more, but for now I'll just mark it as finished. Tell me how you like it. And as usual, tell me if you see any mistakes.**


	3. Mission: Moody

**A year after the last chapter.**

_Thoughts_

_**Sparkplug talking in Sam's head.**_

"Talking."

_:Com. Link.:_

* * *

It was _that_ time of year again. Oh, come on, you know what time I'm talking about. Wait, you don't? Have you even bothered reading the previous chapters? -Sigh- It was the anniversary of the success of Mission: Screamer. The sixth anniversary to be exact. And Sideswipe had something… different planned. In truth, just painting the meager army of Autobots had gotten boring. So he was going to, well, you'll find out soon enough.

Sideswipe cackled evilly as the… questionable contents in the pot bubbled. This is going to be fun.

* * *

Sam stumbled when Sideswipe 'accidentally' bumped into his side. "Meeting at the hide-out tonight. Usual time. Tell 'Bee and Jazz." He murmured under his breath. He looked on in confusion as Sideswipe walked away. _I wonder what this meeting is going to be about…_

_**What do you think it's going to be about? Next week is the anniversary.**_

Sam looked at the holoform standing next to him, still confused. Sideswipe's concept for the annual prank was if you showed up, you'd help. You didn't, you'd be part of the victim list. He never actually recruited them for it. So if he was… this was going to big.

"I'll go get 'Bee, you go get Jazz." With that, the two walked away.

* * *

Prowl was _far_ from a stupid mech. He knew Sideswipe was planning something big for this year's prank. He didn't need Sparkplug suddenly barging into his office and dragging his protesting bondmate off to tell him that. The grin on Sideswipe's face as he walked toward him pretty much clued him in.

"No."

"Oh, come on. You don't even know what I was going to say."

Prowl barely refrained from outright glaring at unmitigated prankster. "I don't need to know what you were going to say. The answer is no."

Sideswipe's response was smile. "Just hear me out. If you don't like it, I'll willingly leave." Immediate denial came to mind. "If you let me talk I promise not to prank for a week after the annual paint prank." The idea of dismissing Sideswipe flew out of his head.

"A month."

"A whole month?! Fine, but any pranks I pull the month after that, you can only give me a fourth of the usual brig-time!"

"Three fourths."

"Half."

"Deal. Now, what's your plan?"

Prowl slumped in his chair as Sideswipe finished telling him the plan. It was all Jazz's fault. If Jazz wasn't so big of a prankster and they weren't bonded, then Prowl would easily be able to suppress the urge to pull this prank, tempting as it may be. As it was…

He sighed. "What do you need me to do?"

* * *

Bumblebee sat in the rec. room, amiably talking with Ironhide. Sam walked up to the two, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and proceeded to drag him into the hallway, inadvertently garnering the attention of everyone in the room.

"Hey!"

"You. Me. Talk. Now."

"Frag, what I do this time?"

Ironhide watched the two, shaking his head. "Younglings…"

* * *

"What are you doing?!" Bumblebee demanded in an outraged stage whisper.

"Prankster meeting." Sam checked his inner chronometer. "As it is we're going to be late."

He stopped struggling. "Oh yeah, the anniversary is soon, isn't it."

"Yep."

"Can I at least walk on my own?"

"Nope."

"Why not?!"

"Because it's fun dragging you around."

"Let me go!" He desperately struggled to get out of the smaller mech's grip.

Sam ignored him.

He became increasingly worried at his bondmate's silence. "You're mad, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not mad. I'm incredibly annoyed, but not mad. And no, I'm not annoyed at you."

Bumblebee had a feeling he knew what was going on. "Let me guess, Sparkplug and Miles have been talking again."

An almost indiscernible twitch of the optics. "Yep."

He struggled not to laugh. Miles had a tendency to spout out some really weird stuff. And random, too. Ranging from conspiracy theories to what color boxers he thought people would wear in fifty years. And Sparkplug had a tendency to repeat almost everything Miles said to Sam. Which usually meant Sam would act like this because Miles knew when to shut up whereas Sparkplug didn't.

"We're here."

* * *

Sam watched as the usual people piled into the room. He glared at Sideswipe. "Okay, what's so important that we had to rush over?"

Sideswipe smirked, pulling a cloth off a table, revealing…

Sam grinned. "Sides', you're a genius."

* * *

It really was far too easy. Get Prowl to hack into the police database and create an emergency that just _had _to be dealt with, and BAM, everyone's gone, except for the 'injured' in the med-bay. That truly was the hardest part, getting themselves injured enough to get into the med-bay and convince Ratchet Sparkplug was too exhausted to flash-heal them. But, they couldn't get themselves so injured that Ratchet would feel he had to stay with them, instead of leave with the others. Despite the complications, they all knew it would be worth it in the end.

Sam frowned as he thought of something. "Hey, what about Red Alert's cameras?"

Sideswipe shrugged. "Red Alert's with the others, so we won't immediately get caught, and there's no point in destroying the cameras because they'll know it's us anyways."

"Yeah, but what about when Red Alert gets back? He'll check the cameras, see what we've done, warn everybody, and then there won't be any point to what we're doing."

"Good point. Alright, who wants to go into Hatchet's med-bay, steal a welder and weld the security room's door shut?"

"Ooh, sounds fun. I'll do it." Sparkplug volunteered.

"Come on people, we have to get this done before they get back."

* * *

Sam glared at the seemingly innocent energon in front of him. "Are you sure this stuff is safe?"

"Don't worry, it's fine."

"If you say so…" He handed the tainted energon to Sideswipe. The devious red twin poured it into the energon converter.

Jazz ran into the room. "They're back!"

"Frag!"

Everyone took a seat at the table closest to them, trying to look innocent. Okay, since it _is_ them, it wasn't so much of 'innocent' but more of a 'we didn't mess with the energon while you were away, so please don't kill us'.

Ratchet glared at them as soon as he walked in. "What the frag are you doing walking around?! I told you to not leave the med-bay!"

Bumblebee looked up at him, using the cutest face he could muster. It always got him out of trouble when he was younger, so why not now? "We're sorry Ratchet. We were bored."

Ratchet visibly softened. "Fine. But get your sorry afts back to the med-bay _now_ or I'll weld them to the berths."

It's almost funny how one sentence from Ratchet can nearly empty a room. Sideswipe 'accidentally' bumped into Prowl on his way out. "Remember, don't drink the energon."

They were nearly out of the base when Red Alert yelled. "Who welded my door shut?!"

"So… where we going this time?" Sparkplug asked. "Please not Canada. Not after what happened last time." He shuddered.

"Hey, it's your fault for provoking that moose." Sam said.

"I did not provoke it! Anyways, no Canada. It's evil."

Sam's optics flickered, the closest thing he could get to rolling his eyes. "You say that about every place we go to. And I'm telling you, if you stop making the wildlife mad, they'll stop attacking you and we could have a pleasant vacation."

"I don't always make the wildlife mad."

"Oh, so that's why you were attacked by coyotes in Mexico? Or alligators in Louisiana? Or by that pack of alley cats in Texas?"

"That just means all those places are evil."

"No it doesn- Oh, never mind."

* * *

Red Alert stormed into the rec. room, furious. "Someone welded the security room's door shut."

Ironhide snorted. "Three guesses who did that and the first two don't count."

Prowl stood up. "I'll go get them. You just stay here and have some energon."

Ratchet walked over to the energon converter, getting several energon cubes, handing one to each mech before making his way back to his table. Several minutes passed in contented silence. Then…

"Um, Ratch?"

He looked up at his long-time friend. "Yes Wheeljack?"

"Look down."

He obligingly looked down… and found out he was a lazy yellow. "WHAT THE FRAG?!" His whole body suddenly turned red. He stared at it, confused. "What's going on?" He turned an odd shade of purple-ish red.

"Hmm, interesting. Ratchet, try calming down." Wheeljack said.

He was tempted to tell his friend to frag off, but decidedly forced himself to calm down. He turned a frosty blue color.

"Just as I thought. It changes with your mood. Since you were happy, you we're yellow. When you got mad, red. And when you got confused, yet still mad, you turned a purple red. And when you calmed down, blue. Uh-oh, you're turning red again."

"Why the frag am I changing colors?"

Wheeljack glared at his energon cube disdainfully. "Ten to one, are resident pranksters messed with the energon converter." He looked down at his own body. "That's the only thing I can think of that would turn us all weird colors."

Ironhide's optics narrowed. "Am I the only one that finds it suspicious that Prowl decided to leave, even though he was the lowest on energy?"

Any other time, and they would have blamed it on Prowl being, well, Prowl. But after last year's incident… "I'm going to weld those fraggers' mouth to their slaggin' skidplates' then laugh as they try to move." Ratchet stalked out of the room to go find -and possibly kill- his wayward bondmate.

Wheeljack sighed. "I'll go start working on an antidote."

* * *

Prowl pulled into the abandoned warehouse they agreed to meet at. The whole pranking group -The twins, Jazz, Sam, Sparkplug, and Bumblebee- looked at him as he transformed. Jazz grinned. "So, how'd it go?"

Prowl tossed him a data pad. "I do believe you have destroyed my reputation. As soon as they started changing colors, they came looking for me. By the way, your concoction didn't exactly worked as plan."

Sideswipe frowned. "How so?"

"It changes their armor according to their mood. Last time I saw him, Ratchet was red, so you might want to avoid the base longer than usual."

"Wait a sec. You're saying he, of all people, created mood ring energon?" Sam asked.

Prowl's head tilted to the side ever so slightly as he looked up the term 'mood ring'. "Yes."

"That's actually kinda cool."

"Even if you think that it is… 'cool', Ratchet obviously did not-"

"YOU SORRY FRAGGERS!"

They looked up in unison, optics wide, as a furious Ratchet stormed into the warehouse.

"Holy shit! How'd he find us?"

"I'm bonded to these two idiots. It wasn't hard to track their energy signatures here."

The aforementioned idiots looked at each other in horror. With all the excitement, they forgot to block Ratchet out.

Sunstreaker sighed. "I must sincerely apologize Ratchet. It seems that we have caused you unneeded stress. But, before you kill us, I feel you must know… It was Sideswipe's idea! Run!" He pushed his brother into the medic, both of them falling down. Everyone else ran like hell (Yes, even Prowl. As I said before, he's not _stupid_), leaving Sideswipe to deal with the terrifying bot.

Ratchet pushed the larger mech off of him. "You're dead. And as soon as I catch them, they're dead."

Sideswipe glared at him. "You find it amusing that they left me behind, don't you?!"

"Of course not."

He pointed at his chassis. "Your colors tell me otherwise." He suddenly sighed. "I guess I can't blame them. I mean, all they did was follow the first and most important rule?"

Despite himself, Ratchet was curious. "What rule?"

"In case of Ratchet-sighting, run like hell."

* * *

**Alright, I'm leaving it here. I'm pretty sure it's actually done this time. I mean, there's not much else I can do with it. Though, I **_**did**_** say that the last two times… Anyways, I **_**might**_** do another chapter where the Autobots deal with the aftermath of this prank. A.K.A. Write a chapter solely focusing on everyone getting frustrated because they can't hide they're feelings. That would be less humor, more drama, though. Don't worry, I'm going to avoid angst for this story, so you people who don't like angst can safely read. Tell me how you like it. And, as usual, tell me if you see any mistakes.**


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